


an exercise in futility

by honey_sweet



Series: haikyuu fics [8]
Category: haikyuu
Genre: Alcohol, Bathroom Sex, Clubbing, Creampie, Drunk Sex, Drunk Ukai Keishin, Exhibitionism, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Smoking, Smut, Unsafe Sex, like srsrly its just fucking, literally just porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:07:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29090277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_sweet/pseuds/honey_sweet
Summary: ukai just wanted to go and drink by himself. things did not go to plan when you arrived
Relationships: Ukai Keishin/Reader
Series: haikyuu fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121123
Kudos: 52





	an exercise in futility

**Author's Note:**

> im drunk writing smut again. i dare you to find me one person who wouldnt fuck ukai keishin.

It really was an exercise in futility whenever you went out clubbing. You always knew you'd end up wasted having to carry one of your friends home only for them to crash and sleep all over your living room floor for the next day when the hangovers arrived.

But it was usually worth it for the amount of alcohol flooding through your system and the catharsis of screaming incoherent lyrics to a song that nobody is really listening to. It was always just a blur from the time you got to the bar, thoroughly pre-gamed and ready to get more in your body as fast as possible. Sometimes there was something memorable, like maybe a bar fight broke out or your friend went home with some eye-candy that was eqaully as drunk as they were.

Usually, you woke up in your bed the next day with a dry mouth, trying to piece together what actually happened and what was an alcohol infused dreamscape. Like, did you really end up in a taxi or had you staggered home with the more sober of your friends? Did you make it through the night without throwing up on yourself? Did you manage to keep your phone, keys and money or had they been dropped in a bathroom or left on the top of a bar in a drunken haze?

And you had no illusions about tonight being any different for you.

The only real difference was that your friends were less into drinking tonight and had immediately broken for the dancefloor to leave you to get your own buzz going at the bar alone. You had no worries, you knew they'd turn up eventually because nobody goes to a club with the plan of staying completely sober for the evening. That was like going to a waterpark and sitting on a bench the entire time, going nowhere near the waterworks.

Hailing the quiet bartender with a lazy wave, you decide to start off strong by piling as much whiskey in you as your stomach can handle at once. You situated yourself onto a stool, not planning to leave until your head was swimming and you were so hazy the flashing lights would begin to mess with your vision. That was the grand plan and you were sticking to it.

"Bad night?" Came a gruff voice from beside you. You glanced up from your empty shot glass to see a blonde man nursing his own bottle of choice and occasionally taking a drag from the roll up inbetween his teeth.

"On the contrary, I intend for this to be a great night." You reply, throwing back your next shot.

He laughed, heartily, nodding to himself. "Fair enough. I can't fault you for that." He takes another long drag and rests his head in the palm of his unoccupied hand.

"And what about you?" You ask, wincing at the shiver that followed the burn of the whiskey going down. Even for a seasoned drinker it was rough to do shots in such quick succession.

"Just enjoying myself." He replies, taking his cigarette from his mouth and taking the chance to blow smoke away from your face.

"All by yourself at the bar?" You question, tapping at the wood grain as you feel your body relaxing.

"You're doing the same thing." He points out, taking a sip from his beer. His stare is level over the rim of the glass bottle inbetween his lips. For some reason you can't stop staring at the piercing in his earlobe. He looked like trouble, but you were never too great at self control.

"Ah- but I'm not. I came with friends. They just don't want to get as wasted as I do. So, really, you're the only one alone here." You retort.

"Well, you got me there." He sighs, slightly smiling. "How can I argue with such logic?"

"You can't." You finish, throwing back another one of the shots the bartender was lining up for you. He seemed to be getting increasingly concerned with how fast you were putting it away, but you paid up and that was enough consent for the types of underground clubs your friends like to choose.

There was silence for a while as you polished off the last of your drinks for the foreseeable future and leaned forward onto the wood grain of the bar.

"So," You clear your throat, catching the stranger's attention. "Why are you here alone?"

He shrugs, grinning back at you. "Why are you so interested?"

"I don't know." You sigh. "Maybe I'm just curious."

"Well, if you have to know, all of my friends are working tonight and I didn't fancy staying at home by myself."

"No lovely lady to warm your bed?" You laugh, playing with your earring.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He shoots back, grinning like a madman as he polished off the last of his cigarette and dropped the butt of it into the ashtray a little way along the bar.

"I do actually, hence why I'm asking."

"I'll tell you if you come here." He admits, patting his thigh with a smile.

"The fact that you asked me to do that tells me everything I need to know." You grin, reaching over to swipe his half empty beer bottle from infront of him. He just relents, holding his hands out infront of him in surrender as he watches you finish his beer in one go. He laughs, resting his head back in his palm and measuring you up. To give him credit, not once during the brief conversation did his eyes go any lower than your jawline. He may have been as drunk as you were, but he was still a gentleman when it came to the women he meets in bars.

"Well now you know theres no lady warming my bed, should I ask if there's a strapping playboy keeping you on your toes?" He waves down the bartender to order a replacement drink for the one you swiped off him. You stop him, paying for his drink and one for yourself too.

His eyebrows lift in surprise, but are easily schooled back into his relaxed and amused expression.

"The fact you did that tells me everything I needed to know." He parrots back at you, leaning towards you and taking one of the drinks from infront of you. He pops the cap off by levering it away on the edge of the bar and you hate to admit that when he slammed his hand on the neck of the bottle to pop the cap away, you shivered in excitement.

He holds his hand out to you to pop the cap off your drink too, but you're sat there staring at his earrings and the blonde hair that was trying to escape from the headband he'd tried taming it with.

"You drinking it through the cap?" He smirks, waving his hand infront of your absent face. "Or just distracted?" He asks, leaning closer and closer to you in the almost complete darkness of the club lighting.

"Distracted," You breathed, "Very distracted. Although unfortunately I have a rule about not taking people home from the bar."

"Well, that's some good news." He smirks, popping the cap away for you too. You quirk an eyebrow at him and tip the drink back down your throat.

"It doesn't mean I can't fuck you _at_ the bar." He clarfies, taking a drink and staring back at you through eyes that you knew looked as drunk as your own did.

"You're right, it doesn't." You reply.

"I did not expect you to agree to that." He laughs, folding his arms onto the bar itself.

"You're lying." You grin back, already halfway through your bottle.

"You're right, I am. But I thought I'd be polite." He clarifies with a smirk.

You both know what's going on. It really is a lesson in futility with you, because you both know you're going to fuck each other at some point this evening. It was just a matter of time for you to both stop dancing around the topic and find somewhere to hide away while you get each other off in a club. Not dignified in the slightest, but the fact this man has a jawline carved of stone and the most jovial smile you've ever seen was adding his points up by the second. 

Trying to fight the fact that you're both going to be fucking each other in under an hour was just futile. It was inevitable, and unfortunately you felt no regret for it whatsoever. Finishing the last of your beer with a scowl at the bitter flavour, you stand up from your stool.

He slightly turns his body towards you, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Where are you running off to?" He asks, rolling one of the bottlecaps along his knuckles.

You don't answer, instead stepping forward to settle yourself between his thick thighs. His legs cage you in, looking up at your form standing over his seat. Neither of you speak. You lean forward, slowly, giving him the space to pull away if he wants to. His eyelids slowly droop closed and you grin, leaning to the side at the last minute to grab for his bottle. 

"You absolute fucking tease." He laughs, watching you wrap your mouth around the bottle and for the second time this evening finishing his drink for him. His hands ghost to touch your waist while you stand in front of him and he twiddles the hem of your shirt idly between a thumb and forefinger. 

You respond by pulling him gently by the collar to kiss you, feeling how he smiles to himself against your mouth. There's an underlying taste of alcohol and you can't tell if it's what you've been drinking or what he's been drinking. With a hand flattened against his cheek, you slide your thumb under his jaw and let him slide his tongue inside your mouth. 

"Come on then," He mumbles, pushing your hips back so he can stand up infront of you. That's when you realise that he's clearly taller than you and a great deal broader than you too. Taking the lead, he gently takes your hand in his and you snake your way around the club away from the bar. You had a slight inclination as to where he was taking you, but at that moment your alcohol filled body was just fixated on following the broad back of the blonde man that you still didn't know the name of.

He leads you onto the dancefloor, gently pushing his way through the crowd and out to the other side where the bathrooms were. You say 'bathrooms' but they were nothing more than a long corridor of unisex stalls with a single halogen bulb in the middle of the hallway. The stranger turned around once you were in the semi-privacy of the corridor. Standing up on your tiptoes, you bunch his collar in your fist and pull him back down to kiss you as you both stumble backwards. His hand is uncoordinated as he reaches down to pull at the back of your knee as a prompt. Shakily, you hike one leg around his waist and let him anchor your weight with his forearms. He staggers for a moment when he gets your other leg wrapped around his waist and is caught off guard when you decide to pull his headband away from his hair and let the wild blonde strands fall down over his forehead.

You make eye contact through his wild blonde hair for a split second before you go back to kissing whatever exposed part of his neck you can get to. With the combined darkness of the hallway, you blocking most of his vision and the alcohol burning through him, he was finding it hard to walk in a straight line towards his goal. He tripped a few times, but never dropped you from his firm grasp around his waist. When he reached the stall at the farthest end of the long corridor, he turned around to nudge it open with his broad back. Blindly, he kicked out a foot to push the door shut behind you both.

He lowers you gently to the floor, quickly fumbling with the lock on the door as you seat yourself on the closed lid of the toilet. Panting from the drunken stagger to the stall, he kneels infront of you. In a motion that was insanely swift for a heavily drunk man, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to hang on the coathook that was only hanging on by a single nail. Almost feverishly, you both try to remove your trousers. You both laugh as quietly as you can as you struggle to slide the denim from your hips in the cramped toilet stall. He lands a firm grip on your hip, pulling you so you're hanging off the edge of the seat with your shoulders against the back tank of the toilet itself. Sighing reverently, he takes one of your legs and rests it gently over his shoulder. He lands a kiss to the apex of your thigh, making lingering eye contact through his fringe and the darkness. He continues to trail kisses along the inside of your thigh while you stare him down, chest heaving in excitement.

"Wh-what's your name?" You whisper, watching his teeth flash as he grins.

"Keishin," He answers, lowering his head to lick a torturously slow path from the bottom to the top of your folds. 

"Fuck you, Keishin." You laugh, glancing down at his mirth-filled eyes.

"Isn't that what you're here to do?" He whispers against your core. "Now you tell me your name."

You comply, the syllables being broken up by occasional stifled gasps as he continued to leave small, teasing licks on you.

"What a pretty name," He sighs, sinking a finger inside you and returning his tongue to it's tantalising path.

You're thankful for the music being too loud outside, because the slight background noise in the stall is enough to drown out the quieter sounds you make while Keishin continues to eat you out with unwavering eye contact. He's thankful that there's still enough light in the room that he can see your face twisting when his tongue drags along a particularly sweet spot or his fingers push against your walls with just enough friction to have you threading your hands through his wild hair.

It's surprisingly soft, you realise, in the middle of your alcohol and sex haze. He has such soft hair, bleach blonde tresses with brown roots poking out from his undercut. You coil some of his strands lightly through your fingers and tug at it. That earns you an appreciative grunt and he nestles himself closer until his nose is pushed flush against your groin and you can feel every breath he takes against your skin.

When he notices your voice gradually getting louder, to the point he's concerned you might be overheard by someone just trying to take a piss in peace, he leaves his crouch and leans over to kiss you, still up to the knuckle inside you. You slide a hand up the column of his throat, making as much eye contact as you can while your eyes begin to roll back. Entire body relaxed, you cum around his fingers while he busies himself with unbuttoning your shirt one handed.

"I'm going to need to sit there, sweetheart." He whispers against your pulse while you try to collect your thoughts. He stands up straight and cleans off his damp fingers with his tongue. You quietly laugh, filled with deliruim and buzzing from head to toe. You reach a hand out to unclasp his belt and drop his zipper while he just stands over you, staring down at your with his fingers in his mouth. You pull his trousers down with one hand, flattening the other against the broad expanse of his bare thigh.

The both of you hear the rattling of loose change falling to the floor from his pockets, but he makes no move to pick any of it up. You stand, letting him move past you to plant himself on the toilet lid. With one arm braced against the brickwork of the end wall, his other hand beckons you over to him.

"Take a seat," He grins lazily, spreading his knees apart slightly.

"Yes, sir." You laugh back, lifting one leg to drape across his narrow hips.

"Don't call me sir, I'll make a habit of this if you do." He grunts as you sink yourself onto his length.

"That wouldn't be such a bad thing," You sigh as he rests his other arm gently over your shoulder and gives you time to adjust before moving.

"Maybe not," He admits as you begin to rock at your own pace. "Oh, lord help me." He adds in a whisper, dropping his head against your shoulder. 

"What's wrong?" You slip your hand through his long hair as he stills underneath you.

"Nothing- I just don't think I'll last if you keep doing that." He admits, kissing against your throat. You clench around him, grinning evilly as you draw his body closer against yours.

"Exactly that. Stop trying to make me finish faster than a teenage boy." He laughs, still lighthearted as his hand wanders down your spine to your lower back.

"I'm just making it good for you too-" You begin, but are cut off by his hand covering your mouth quickly. The sound of footsteps approaching down the corridor could be heard over the music. You were both done for if you were caught, so you locked eyes and tried to not laugh at the mutual shock plastered on each other's faces.

The staggering footsteps came closer and you both heard a door open and slam not too far away from you both. Still making uncertain eye contact with each other you had no idea what you were going to do now. Keishin glanced at the gap under the door to try and figure out if there was anybody outside the stall, and you heard his breath hitch when you clenched around him once more.

"That was on purpose." He hisses in a whisper. You feign ignorance, beginning to rock slowly against him. Involuntarily, he gasped loudly and it prompted you to slap your hand over his mouth in return. So there you were, hands over each over's mouths, trying to fuck as quietly as you could with someone less than ten metres away from you.

Encouraged by maybe the thrill of what was happening, or now far too drunk on fucking you that he couldn't exactly stop himself in the middle of it, you watch as his eyes flutter closed and his brow furrows. He opens his eyes, making piercing eye contact with you as he brings his free hand down to your waist to urge you to move faster. At this point, he didn't care. He was not able to think about the consequences of someone stumbling in on them because all he could think about was that he's so fucking close to finishing and he doesn't want to be edged like this in the grimy bathroom of a questionable bar downtown.

That's when the crowd starts applauding something, most likely the DJ switching out. That was his chance, when there was enough background noise that he could get away with fucking you without the drunk two stalls down from catching on, or worse, listening in.

So he takes your free hand, and makes you cover your own mouth while still keeping his quiet. You shoot him a confused glance, brows furrowing at the sudden stop of his movement. He tries to make a shushing gesture as quick as he can, hoping you'll catch on. He can't afford to have one hand over your mouth, he needs both of them now to fuck you while he'd got the cover of the audience's cheering.

And so that's what he does. He plants both hands on your hips and tries to chase your joined release as fast as he can, feverish in his movements. Your hand slips occasionally as your body is jostled upwards, and every so often one of his grunts or one of your own whines will let slip.

"Oh, fuck-" He sighs against your hand, one of his arms leaving your waist to draw you close to his chest. You're both pressed against each other, chests heaving and bodies tingling with euphoria as he finds his release inside of you.

You let your hand drop from his mouth, letting yourself relax against his bare chest while you both catch your breath.

"So, do you come here often?" You ask in the silence. He responds only by breaking out into delirious laughter, loud and uncaring if someone hears him that time.

"You know, I don't, but if you're here sweetheart I'll show up a hell of a lot more," He finally replies, placing a kiss to your temple and stroking a hand through your hair.

"So I was lying after all." You sigh. He just tenses beneath you, unsure where you're going with this. 

"I have a strapping playboy to keep me on my toes." You say, threading your fingers through his hair.

He smiles to himself, stroking down your back. "Well, in that case I guess now I have a pretty lady to warm my bed."


End file.
